Player, I grind, my focus is crime

I'm due a post about working out. I was going to go through how I select my exercises on certain days...but I realized that wouldn't be an authentic post as there's more of a why than a how. Because it is a post about one of the reasons I workout, I'll stick in some video of a recent workout. Please feel free to comment on form corrections or give advice on improvement. What I do on any give day is a mix of what the trainer has advised me to work on, and what I'm unhappy with on my body. I've mentioned before that sometimes I see things that the rest of the world doesn't. Like what I call the kangaroo pouch, chicken legs, side flab...you get the picture. I focus on that thing and then I bust mah ass to try and fix it and control it. And that really is the motivation. Control.

There isn't much in my life in which I feel I have real control. I certainly can't control my thoughts, I have trouble controlling and hiding my emotions and feelings. No one ever has control at work, I have small kids that have ADHD which makes it hard for them to control themselves much less listen to their Gatherer so I feel like the natives are running the cave most days. I come from a background that makes me hesitant to speak up in worry I'll offend or anger someone so I feel like everyone around me is in control of me. It's my own fault, I don't stand up for myself, and when I do if there's even remote push back I climb back in my hole of obedience.

I even bought a book recently to try and force myself in to being a better person, wife, and mother. The basic gist of the book seems to be control yourself and be the support unit for the people who need you. Lift them up, praise them, be kind to them, and you will have a happier more harmonious household. Part of me has to laugh because I can manage to pretend to control my words and actions, but nothing in the book seems to explain what your supposed to do about controlling your thoughts. Maybe it just comes with controlling what comes out of my mouth and very expressive face. If you've met me and know me just slightly above acquaintance level, you know there is sass and sarcasm in every cell in my body (I think it is genetic, I'm currently blaming my Gatherer, but she doesn't read this so I don't think she'll fuss at me over it). So I control what I can. I control my body. I'm toying with intermittent fasting again because I'm mad at my body for not looking like I think it should. I've been reminded recently how ridiculous I look when I workout so I'm still just holding on to the idea that I control the outcome and I'm goal oriented as hell so it works.

So if we take the positive spin we can say I set a goal and choose a workout to obtain that goal. The video in this post is from as section of my workout that is part of an overall goal to get some strength in my glutes (read I'm trying to get a decent badonkadonk...bum...ass...I'm working on mah butt). And if you don't get the song reference, go listen to The Whole World by Outkast, its been speaking to me lately and speaks to my mood as of late. Tis one of their darker pieces but it is a damn fine song with some deep and profound lyrics that are bold and witty.

Needless to say I never walk in with a plan (so bad, I know) but I usually walk out feeling like I've made some progress. It may not be as much as I'd like, but I tell myself that I went in and put in the work even if I didn't want to. So Player...I grind.