Yesterday...

In true Gatherer format, I have the pleasure of naming this blog title after a song. But also, yesterday I received an email from my favorite shorties company saying they are closing up shop. For them, the cost of keeping their business open is too high. Never in my life had I wished I was a billionaire as much as I did yesterday (that's a lie, I wish it like a million times every day). I would love fund their business for as much as they need for as long because their shorts changed me.

A few years ago Hunter and I were in OBX with the Natives. It was the last time we all went to the OBX with his family, he usually took the Natives to spend time with his folks while I had busy season in my old line of work. Well on this particular trip it was covid times, everyone was on virtual/masks but not quite lockdown so all of my events and classwork were virtual. This was before we had the wildlife so I could go scott free as well. I was going through a pretty difficult body image time. Wild because I weighed 107lb and had so little body fat and I was intermittent fasting and hitting the gym for 2 hours or more at a time. It was sort of the first inkling that I had that maybe there might be something wrong with my relationship with my body. I very much so had the feeling that people were judging how fat I was, that I wasn't doing enough to be fit and healthy. I was struggling with some friendships I had in my life that were a little (a lot) toxic and was desperately trying to make the world happy but I was most decidedly not. This is all lead up to tell you about the day I discovered shorties. Hunter and I had gone to the YMCA for a workout (yes, I require gym access on vacations, judge as needed). There was this total badass woman there, very defined, lifting weights. Not a waif thin super model type, strong, confidant (yes waify supermodels can be strong and confidant as well no judgement from me). She had on the most awesome shorts with cherries on them, mid tank, doing her damn thing. Also probably had tattoos covering sleeve to sleeve ankle to ankle. I was impressed. Now 1. I knew I didn't have the body structure to look like this chick and 2. I definitely am not the type to get ink (not a tattoo in sight, one hole in each ear, I've thought about a tattoo but I think I just like other people's ink). Her confidence is what got me. I wanted to be that self assured. Also I liked the shorts. So I looked up cherry shorties and found the company WODBottom. They were out of the cherry shorts, but they had others so I bought a pair thinking I would feel so out of place and self conscious in them. I was so impressed that part of their proceed went toward domestic abuse services so I felt like I was doing a little bit of good while being vain. I don't exactly remember what shorts I bought first. I do know it was probably a set that matched perfectly because that was what I was comfortable doing at the time. I do remember the first time I did squats in them and felt...free. It was a relief to not feel constricted, to see my muscles move, to feel the movement and not the fabric. I was sold from that point on. Now I still worried what other people would think about my short shorts and my sports bra, but I started to worry less and less. I found fun patterns that I thought were cute. The clothes felt good, I felt good. I learned to laugh when the 70 year old dudes at the gym "joke" about the fact I'm going to give them a heart attack. I wear the shorts, sometimes (a lot of times) out in public. Because its my body. Now after running 2 marathons (in the shorties) I weigh as much as I did before the pandemic. I am, by my own accounts, fat. But now I eat when I want, what I want. I have muscle (but I still kick at the weights if I can't lift as heavy as I want). I still feel incredible short and round and ugly next to the super thin super fit college age women who come in (who's paying for y'alls boob jobs, and can they pay for mine by the way?) I feel awkward...but I wear my shorts because they are cute and fun and remind me that I'm not doing this for anyone but me. No one else cares as much as me. Those shorts are part of the confident me that pushes through hot humid runs, freezing cold runs, fussing at boys on the weight floor to re-rack their shit, to stare down big dudes who try to rush my set on the squat rack, to laugh with my friends in the gym and to motivate myself to be proud of what I'm doing. Maybe some day I'll listen to the people who make comments about how short my shorts are and I'll cover it all up again but for now, I'm going to be proud of the body I'm building.

I'm most sad for the fantastic owner, a delightful woman from Wisconsin, I can't imagine how she feels having to shutter her doors. I'm feeling lost, I'm hoping eventually find a new company, although trust me when I say I have enough shorties to last quite a while and the quality is so good I don't think they will wear out any time soon. If you were wondering, I did eventually find the cherry shorts on a resale page and while they aren't my favorite pattern anymore, they are my most sentimental pair. Support small businesses when you can and be proud of the you that you are all the time.