Hustler's Ambition

When I started working out, I would only do cardio. I've mentioned this at least once. Treadmill, bike, elliptical. Occasionally I'd sneak into a Zumba class (quit laughing right now). I certainly never thought I'd find myself using weight machines much less hanging out in the free weights section, TRX was probably some band from the 80's I just hadn't heard of. As I progressed I stayed out of those classes cause I'm really uncomfortable around people, and I mentioned that I would watch people with their trainers and copy...strike that...try to copy what they were doing. When Covid hit and my fear of losing all of my gains in my heath progress hit, I got a little desperate. I would take a lunch break and go for a run or a bike in the neighborhood. It was the only space I could let my guard down where I didn't have to worry that the Natives or Hunter would see how tired, how afraid, and how overwhelmed I was. We would play Just Dance with the kids and have a good laugh but I was hiding how afraid I was of falling back into my old habits. Hunter even got frustrated with me because I couldn't really find the energy to do much other than my work, my homework, help the kids with their homework, and play video games and read to decompress. Housework wasn't getting done and I wasn't planning healthy meals...in short I was well on my way to turning fluffy and depressed and didn't have the mental space to process. When one of my trainer acquaintances from the gym contacted me to tell me the gym was opening and to see if I wanted training...I didn't bat an eye before saying yes. I've told that story previously so I won't go into detail on it here.

A year in to training, trainer is no longer an acquaintance, but a friend. I trust him and listen to him about as well as I listen to anyone. He'll tell you I'm difficult and obnoxious, but I'm dedicated to staying fit and healthy. Most of the time I argue with him, but eventually I cave and do things the way he asks...most of the time. A few months ago he told me he was starting a small group training and asked me to join in. He got a resounding, I'll do it once and that will be it. full stop. no questions. do not pass go. do not collect $200. I hate groups remember. I hate people remember. He mostly let it go. When it went live. I did one. Like I said I would.

I liked it. Well as much as I can like a group activity. See most of the time when I workout, I focus on what I can't do. I'm very very hard on myself, but at the same time it cripples my workout because I get into this, I can't do it mind set. The small group helps me reframe my thinking. I'm certainly not the best client in the sessions, I wouldn't say any of us is the worst either. I will say it gives great perspective on what I'm capable of. I find myself being more willing to start at the higher weight or to add more on. To try the more challenging version of an exercise. I'm still not giving up my individual training. I need that to really focus on the parts and pieces of me that need massive amounts of work (I'm also not giving up my individual therapy sessions for the same reason but that is definitely a post for a different day). I really like the two in conjunction. I don't think I'll ever be the sort of person who signs up for a group class on the regular, I find that in the training, other people sort of pair up and I just fall in and will occasionally have a little chat with one of the other clients. I still feel very very awkward, but there are no mirrors where we workout so I can't see my mistakes which helps me focus on feeling when I'm doing something wrong. That part is helpful but when I'm by myself I need that focus to make minor adjustments to form. You know workout posts tend to have a moral of the story. Today's moral is challenge your comfort zone. No matter your passion or hobby, force yourself to try something with it that you normally wouldn't. Better yet, just try something new today. Take a different path. You might find you like whatever it is enough to add it to your list of things that don't suck (that is about as high as a compliment as I'll give to something). If you really want you should join me in small group, you can laugh at/with me and have a challenging workout at the same time.